Surrender the Outcome

So it has been a year of change for me, to say the least. There has been progress and lots of joy but certainly a fair share of stress. I have always been aware that stress is stored and created in different ways physically, but came to terms with it, emotionally, during a deep tissue massage. This was not just any massage, but a total breakthrough. I had already been having minor epiphanys all week but what was about to come was major. As my therapist worked through sensitive areas in my body, my mind wandered through the circumstances that brought me such tension. I watched as the thoughts entered my mind and then left. After a few minutes, they started to appear at a more rapid pace, several over and over again. It was strangely synchronized that during this moment the massage was becoming increasingly painful — starting an unexpected panic.

This anxiety of mine…I store it in both in my body and my head. My body stores it as pain; my mind archives it as worry.  I evaluated myself some more. I focused for a minute on the nature of my thoughts. To my surprise, each one had to do with a problem that I could not change, or even funnier, the anxiety of a fictitious event that had not even yet occurred. I noticed how much energy these thoughts consumed as they occupied my head. Whew — another painful exhale in my massage. The breakthrough was coming…what exactly was I afraid of? What benefit would come out of my fear? What would life feel like without my anxiety and my fear? What am I protecting? And finally the message came to me:

“Surrender the outcome.”

What?

“Surrender the outcome.”

In this moment, I realized that the only real way to live free is to truly surrender the outcome. We all have so many expectations — but, life always ends up unfolding in some unseen way, right?  How free could we be if we simply lived while truly surrendered the outcome. What is it that I would think about if I didn’t worry about things I couldn’t change, or things that didn’t exist? I would really like to find out.

So now moving forward….

When I’m late to work, I surrender the outcome.

When I am creating on a canvas, I surrender the outcome

When I find myself in Pensacola beach, Fl. with my hands covered in crude oil, I surrender the outcome.

Obsessing over my health! I surrender the outcome.

Is my writing really making a difference? I surrender the outcome.

Will I ever make my parents truly proud? I surrender the outcome.

Will I have success in my career? I surrender the outcome.

When I know I’m doing my best…I shall surrender the outcome.

Friends come and go, I surrender the outcome.

As love ends and a new love begins, I surrender the outcome.

Will I ever have children? I surrender the outcome.

When will I die? I surrender the outcome.

So now, in this wide open space of surrender, I am free of jealousy. I am free to enjoy what I have, be creative, and welcome change. Now I can truly live *in* the moment.

What would be freed in your mind if you only surrendered the outcome?

- Robyn NewMark
truth-action.com

Check your oil

It was June 23rd.

I found myself with the truth-action.com team in Pensacola Beach, Florida, experiencing the largest wash up of oil to date as a result of the BP oil spill. We had been looking for oil for days now. Our only plan was to find it and document it in a way others had never done before. We wanted to put people in the oil, and humanize this event by experiencing what has only been seen on local wildlife.

The “Black Gold” as we call it, now covered 8 miles of the whitest sands of the world. As our team gathered there with cameras, I reached my hand into one of the 4-foot wide puddles. The oil slowly dripped down my arm. I was surprised by its viscosity as it attached to my arm like glue. The feeling was horrifying; I could only imagine the desperation of the wildlife who had been victims of it.

I had been full of feelings of anger and blame just moments before, but suddenly a new wave of perspective hit my conscience. This coveted substance is responsible for the fuel in my car, and the plane that allowed me to arrive there. It is used to fertilize our commercial farmlands and preserve some of our foods. It makes up my plastic shampoo bottles, and the bags used to carry my groceries home, and virtually all plastics created worldwide. It is the foundation for the oil paints I use on my canvas and it is refined to make my laundry detergent, hair dyes, and even in some the makeup I use on my face.

This tragedy is not only the negligence of an oil company, but in a way my own, and collectively all of ours. It occurred through attempting to meet the demand of creating our modern world.

I was no longer looking at oil running down my arm, but the very material of my greed and yours. I felt guilt and a deep sense of doom. This industry was created long before me. It created the world I know and love. To kill such a monster would take all of us sacrificing fuel, energy and consumables as we know them. So there on that beach, covered in oil, I surrendered to the idea that this monster will never be killed, but will very possibly kill us and our life as we know it. Then realizing further that this monster will never be killed, because it is you, and it is me.

I don’t know if I am ready to sacrifice my life’s luxuries, my car, my cell phone, my make up! Are you? Of course not! So now what? We wait and hope that some intellectual will fix it. We throw money at it and hope it goes away quickly. But as long as we demand it, our need for oil will not go away. There is truth, there is action, together there is progress. But are we ready to face the core of this truth? I don’t know? Are we?

- Robyn Newmark
truth-action.com (see more photos here)

Come on in, the oil’s fine!

Brown...err Orange Beach, AL

“So exactly what is truth-action about?” our Pensacola waitress finally worked up the nerve to ask us as our meal concluded…clearly she had been buzzing us for awhile.

A few jumped in to explain the concept, still too nubile to be succinct. After a moment I threw my hat into the ring:

“There is truth — the things you know.
Then there is action — doing something about it.

It’s all well and good to sit at home in Los Angeles and watch the news about this oil spill…but we wanted to actually come here and see if we couldn’t express this tradgedy to the world in a different way — a more human way. We have all seen the birds covered in oil, we’ve all been sufficiently numbed by the 24/7 news cycle. But, do those photos of wildlife really resonate with everyone?  So, we wanted to express this devastation in a new medium — ‘artistic journalism’ as coined by mother on the fly. So, what if…what if we covered ourselves in this toxic crude and took pictures?”

Silence as she soaked it in. Something was burbling.

Then more silence.

Finally, she squeaked “Those wildlife photos resonate with *me*. Did you hear that a dolphin washed up on shore yesterday here in Pensacola. Did you hear that it cried as it was dying?”

With that, she burst into tears and ran from the table, leaving her busboy tub full of glasses. She wasn’t the only one crying by then.

More pics of this disaster at: truth-action.com

- chris lyman